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pappahayden
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Name: JEFF
Country: United States
State: Wisconsin
Metro: Madison
Birthday: 5/20/1966
Gender: Male
Interests: GOD~
BEING A DAD~
THE PERSUIT OF A GREAT ADVENTURE~
STUDYING PEOPLE~
KAYAKING~
FIGHTING ( FOR FUN OF COURSE)
Expertise: DREAMING
Occupation: Research and development
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  PAPPAHAYDEN1966
Member Since:
11/1/2005
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| So many changes in such a short time can really mess with a person if they let it. I wish i could see into the future to find some peace, but then what would faith be for... right? so many things that i think are most important truly aren't. I totally relate to Jerimiah when he says to God "you deceived me oh lord" . I guess it wasn't that the lord deceived Jerimiah... rather jerimiah being flesh could only see in part and never really understood the fact that there might be more to God's agenda than the comfortability of his little world. It wasn't that the lord didn't care about him... God just saw it all in a greater perspective... It was if the Lord was saying... Jer... don't sweat the little things... I'm inviting you on a wonderful adventure and i want to see you function in the way i created you... I have put a boldness in you that extends beyond the troubles of this world... don't be afraid... lets do this together... They may hate you but I adore you! Go be you! So in humility and boldness I will love the best i can (especially) the people who don't understand me.
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| It's a strange season... things given up for dead have been resurrected, as life and hope course through the veins of dreams that are often times too dim to believe in. Where to go from here... I'm not sure... but life seems fresh and new... and as always with new understanding of the whispers from my lover to me, my yearning grows deeper to dwell in the realms of the fantastic. Life is magical... even in the ordinary, dwells the Extrodinary. | | |
| Hey... how did i get back in here? Well anyway here i am... hmmm... what to say... not sure... my heart is full of stuff as usual but i'm never sure what i should write... so many random thoughts all with so many different destinations... let me sift through for a moment... what the... must have fallen asleep... well time to go... bye! Just kidding i'll be back!! | | |
| It's midnight and i'm here in the dark agonizing over my first born son... and the pain i know he is about to encounter. It's so hard for me to not feel alone in this place because no one could understand what he must under take in the next week but me... ( and of course you God). We talked tonight about his fear and the recolection of severe pain throughout an extended time in the hospital, friends made and lost in a days time ( he's on the cancer floor of the childrens hospital... and they die daily there) needles in every available vein... listening to him beg me for some kind of relief... even o.k.ing death... that i might take his life, to spare him this seemingly neverending pain. What can i do but weep over my dear sweet baby and asure him that i will be with him through it all and let him know that in spite of the pain i will never leave him or forsake him. God i'm sorry that i can't see past the pain of my own sickness... but i know you are so much bigger.... and it gives me somehow, great peace to know you are with me no matter what, to see me through even my own surgeries... Heal my heart Father and change me to love more like you!!! Watch over your baby... my son Joshua. | | |
| I need to clear the air with a few folks who have spent some time discussing their opinions of me and their idea that i have a hard time letting people go... actually the truth is that for me in my flesh it was much better that you go than stay and i don't have abandonment issues, with you, i just actually believed that the living God wanted you there... for real!!! I guess my understanding was (after praying for you OVER AND OVER) that God wanted to change you and grow you up by giving you an opportunity to see the weight you have (as a believer) in other peoples' lives. Who, if you gave them a chance, would actually care about what you have to say... and that what mattered most in this life was your impact as a lover of God to another human being on this planet... not the, what about me and my stuff bullshit! As your friend i need to tell you that i think you are some of the most selfish people i know right now and i bet your spiritual life ain't so great as of late!! But what does that matter as long as you can fake it, right? My question is where are you giving your life away for something that doesn't have to do with you? And when does the blame for bullshit attitudes stop landing on the church, it's real leaders (who are actually the ones in there doing something rather than sitting around complaining about stuff) and start pointing to you? But I bet your life is too busy and all about you right now to actually ponder a thought like where do i need to change? And of course why should you change when no one else does Right?Have you read the story of the prodigal son? Can you see and hear still or has your pride swallowed up even those basic abilities of functioning in this life. Please remember that it is God you are at war with not me!
Loving you the best way i can,
through truth!
Jeff | | |
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